I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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