So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
