im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
