I queefed so loud it echoed.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
