census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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