Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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