Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
