The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
