I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
my liver is dry heaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize