dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
