Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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