Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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