youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
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every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
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seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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