my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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