Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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