Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
