We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
