Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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