Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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