Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize