: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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