If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
