Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
