You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
