sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
