I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
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I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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