so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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