while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
