i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
