Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
