Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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