his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize