well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
