he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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