they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
