we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
