i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
