also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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