he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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