I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
