A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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