At least make sure they are 18
Why
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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