Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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