and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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