i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
