Me too!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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