you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
