It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
