4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Every concussion has its silver lining
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
