bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
well you can't waste a boner
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
