I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
