Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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