If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
