That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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