i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
