and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
