found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize