She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
