Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
