I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
