guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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