Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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