we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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