you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
