hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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