Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
